Friday, April 10, 2009

New Job. Parent Ordeals

For a while I have been working at Walmart. The job came along at a great time. I needed to transition and in doing so I needed the money. Now another opportunity has come alone my way. Years ago I used to work at Petsmart. I was a bather of dogs there. They had an interest in hiring me again. Petsmart needs pet groomers and I felt that I could do well there. I filled out an application online so that I may have a chance in getting the job, of course. The company knows that I was transgender and they have no problem with it. I had already taken my drug test and I'm set to start working there the 24th of this month. Petsmart will have to train me as a bather for a couple of months. If I do well they will send me to school to be trained as a groomer. Its hard to find a job these days, so I'll take an opportunity if its available.

I worked at Macy's to have some pennies in my pocket during school. Walmart was a job that was necessary for me to begin my transition. Now I look to Petsmart to become a groomer to gain access to my independence. I want to move out of my parent's home. My mother hates that I go out with eye make up and dressed as who I am. I absolutely cannot stand how f#ching ignorant my mother is. My mother is a registered nurse for christ sake.

So... I finally heard from my father, who by the way lives in North Carolina. He called and I was on the phone with him for a half hour. It was the worst phone cal of my life. My father was disgusted. He said he that wants to put his foot in my ass. Trust me when I say that I had never heard someone use the "f" word some many times in one phone call before. The man was livid and on top of that he's religious. There is nothing quite like the ingredient of religion to fuel your hate. My dad said that god will hate me and that I will die young, followed by burning in hell. He told me that I am not a woman. "I don't care if you cut your dick off, you are a man," this is all in the words of my father. I don't understand religious people in the least. I write, which is in my opinion, was an expressive, informative, eloquent letter. The man calls me with a heart full of hate and a mouth chalk full of four letter words. Somewhere in the "conversation" dad says that I have to "give my life to god". I honestly do not get this. If life is a gift from god, why in the world would he want it back. That's like me buying someone a Christmas present and then taking the darn thing back.

My father wants me to "straighten up" (what does he think I'm doing, I'm transitioning duh). He will not except me as a woman, his child or what I am going through. So needless to say that I need to make decent money in order to move out and live on my own. Once I move out I can not come back home and there is no running to my father for help. I figure that he will disown me and that I won't want anything to do with my mother. Both of my parent feel that I am a waste of an investment and they should have had better. Becoming a groomer is not a perminant career choice, but it is one that can help me become more independant. Dispite what my father said I feel in many ways blessed. However the coming months will be hard. My father had called my mother (they never talk) and as I came home my mom told me that cannot wear my make up in her house. "You cannot live you life in my house, you need to move out and live it out there". I sure am glad that there are people like her in nursing (blah). Anyways, I'll keep the faith and hopefully with a smile.

-Nikki

5 comments:

Stephanie said...

People lash out with anger when they don't understand what it means to be transsexual, especially parents. Parents don't see the person, they look upon the son or daughter as being a part of them. Change scares them. I hope given some time they will find that it is an improvement to your life easing they anger that they feel now.

alan said...

Nikki, I'm so very sorry...I had so hoped your Dad's reaction would be one of acceptance and love. I already knew you had problems with your Mom, but didn't expect you to "get it" from both of them!

Having made the mistake of telling my wife before we were married my entire history, though she kept saying she didn't want to know, I included that I had slept with as many guys as girls before we started dating. All was fine 'til our sons were a few years old and she started reading her Bible again, then many of those same words that were directed at you found their way my direction. Though we are still together, the wall those words built still stands...I dare not trust her completely and I can feel the resentment in her still when certain subjects arise in life or the news.

Good groomers are hard to find; it's hard work and takes someone who "has a touch" with animals and doesn't mind the effort involved. My veterinarian can't keep one for more than a few months at a time. Once you are trained and have a clientele, if you aren't making as much as you'd like I am sure you could "go independent" and truly become so financially as well!

I'm sorry those who are supposed to love you are trying to wound you, Nikki...sometimes our hearts are treasured more by the families we adopt in life than the ones we are born to!

alan

Anonymous said...

Wow, that's really quite... horrible.

Email me if there's anything I can do -- I emailed you a few weeks ago.

Good luck!

Nikki said...

Thank you for the support. I am very happy to have a community here that understands me. ^_^

mywaytotruth said...

Unfortunately, sometimes we have to make a decision – to live our lives or to live lives that other people want us to live. It is not so much about parents not accepting, it is more about them being accepted by the society. Parents are really concerned what others will think of them and less concerned about what you are going through.

Remember, my dear friend, family is not the one that participates in making you, family is the one that you choose and the one that is there for you when you need them the most.
You will meet people that you will call your family and they will love you for who you are without judgment and expectations.