No escape

You know how they say you can never escape your trans issues. Well, for some reason I was emotionally rocked at work. The store was very busy and hectic. A customer had come to me wishing to speak to the store manager. I made the request and in waiting I asked was there any major concern to be had. The customer complained how filthy the mens lavatory was. In all fairness, he was right. It was just disgusting in there.

The store manager finally arrives to have a word with the disgruntled customer. I'm not sure what happened, when the manager came back, (they both went to go check the bathroom out)he was upset and at the customer no less. Well to cut to the point, the CSM (Customer Service Manager) came to me saying that Derick and I have to clean the male bathroom. "What?! Why!? How come!?", I asked while very disappointed. She said, "Because your the only two MALES here." Don't get me wrong. I'm not out at work, but this struck my heart in such a painful way. On top of that, they where about to make me clean the bathroom. To bring the story up to speed, I found the housekeeper and informed him of the situation. However, for the rest of the night I was so upset. There where time I almost knew I was going to cry.

The whole thing is, I was referred to as male. It nearly crushed me. It's funny (actually, it isn't), I am starting to realize how bad my trans issues are. As I transition not only physically but mentally I discover more and more the depth of my trans status.

A Day of Rememberance

Today is Transgender Day of Rememberance. We look back at those that have fallen, to those have been slain. In looking back, we remember. We remember the lives lives these people have lived and the lives that were taken away.

When I look around at the transgender community, I see great promise and advancement. However, on a day like today, I can see that we have so much further that we have to go.

I hope and dream that one day we won't have to look back on the passing year, counting the many unwarranted acts of violence on the transgender community.


Please click the link and view this beautiful video on youtube in honor of Transgender Day of Remembrance.

We Remember.

Went shopping! ^_^

This actually wasn't a huge deal, but I had never had a real experience browsing and shopping for women's clothing. It can be nerve racking when you have never really, really shopped before. You feel so self conscious, always wondering who is going to stare or make funny faces at you.

I started my shopping venture at TJmaxx. It kinda sucked. I go in and I see just mostly women in the store. For the space that was provided there was a lot of people inside. The thing about the store is that there is a men's women's and children sections. The women's section is for the wives and the like to shop for themselves. Sections like the men's and children's are for wives and the like to shop for their significant others. I did not feel comfortable at all in there and I could not loosen up. People will look at like "what is this dude doing here".

Leaving the store and and going off into my car, I venture to find another place to explore my shopping ways. I'm driving around and I find a Kmart. I was like "kick ass". Going in I saw the store was not heavily populated. In fact, it was actually dead. This was great. I needed to go into a store and just try things on. It took me awhile, but I got my bearings and browsed heavily.

I walked out with quite a few items and with great relief. Having a feeling of success I can't help but feel happy. I ended up having a pretty good Veterans Day. ^_^

-Nikki

Lets get happy ^_^

Digs and claws
Through the mounds of drama and despair
Searching for an answer unknown to me
Driven to elude my anguish
Fueled by passion for self fulfillment
I walk through to darken lonely tunnel
To be embraced by the light on the opposite end
When I am there
I will bath in its essence
And will truly...
Be happy


-Nikki