Wednesday, November 4, 2009

Not Exceptedy life I

Just a while ago I was searching for a new place to live. In my search I had come across this place that suited my liking. It was a lovely family home. The house had excellent accommodations and I had fell in love with the place. In meeting the owners, there was a mutual feeling that we were all good people. However, they had no idea I was transgendered. My thinking was, it wouldn't matter if they didn't know. Little did I know, my way of thinking was incorrect.

Friends of mine would beg me to come out to these people. They didn't want to see me in a bad situation if they had found out I was transgender and didn't like it. Like the big girl I am ,I came to a decision and emailed the owner. My goal was to be open and honest with them. In my email I said:

"I eagerly await the day I move into your lovely home. There is such
excitement and real joy taking up residence at this location. As a
strong woman I have always been honest and up front with people that
would be apart of my life. I have a secret that I need to tell you in
order to have a health relationship with the tenents of the
residence. Kenshu, I just felt it would be fare to let you know that I
am a transgendered woman. I live and work fulltime as a woman with
legal documentation to prove it. I hope that my coming out does not
discourage you for excepting me as a tenent. However I feel that you
should know the complete and honest truth. If everything is fine I
would still love to start moving in thursday. Thank you for your time

I was so nervous. Everyone told me it would be alright, but I was still on pins and needles. Over and over again I would check my email untill finally he had responded back:

" Thank you for your sincerity. You are a very nice person. Last night I talked to the other members of the house. Unfortunately they did not feel comfortable with you moving in - especially the girl that would be sharing a room with you. I'm sorry about this. I hope this doesn't cause too much complication on your part. I'm sure you will be able to find another wonderful place to stay. Please take care~"

You wouldn't believe how devastated I was. At this point in my life I am so acclimated to living my life as a woman. Anywhere I walk I never receive any negative energy. I pass as a woman. I am very confident in myself. So when I was turned down for the place it struck a cord with me. Lets not forget that they wouldn't have known anything unless had said something. For the next four hours I was crying and horribly depressed. Finally I decided to go out that night to alleviate the pain of rejection.

I was with others trans girls feeling comforted. That night a friend of mine that had known of my sadness called me up. He had offered me a place to live. Not only was I feeling better, but there was a solution to my problem. Now I live with a family that excepts me for who and what I am. I guess the moral of the story is not to lower your head to people who don't except you for who you are, but to raise head up high and allow for people to recognize you as the person that you are.


Sunday, July 19, 2009

Back from Academy

Today was my last day at academy. All was very well. I do believe that I was one of the more skilled students in the class. This is pretty much exactly where I want to be. Of course my skills will need refining, however if someone comes into the groom shop with a dog for me to do I am confident the customer will be satisfied with the end result.

Tomorrow I begin work and am ready for it. In the beginning I will only have a few dogs a day to do. This limit will increase pertaining to how successful I am completing the dogs already assigned to me. All and all I am excited, over joyed and am well on my way. I hope all is well for all of you out there.


-Nikki ^_^

Saturday, July 11, 2009

V for Victory!

I am on cloud nine right now. Yesterday I went into town to finally get my license and social security change (the name on it, not the number). It was so simple with no problems what so ever. The DMV would be my first pit stop. In total I was there maybe for ten minutes. There was no confusion on their part as to what I was doing. All I did was show them my court order and the rest was pie. My temporary license is in my possession. The actual card will take a couple of weeks to come in the mail. After that mission was complete my next stop would be social security.

The social security office was just a block away. I enter the building and find a room of people sitting in rows, almost like a classroom. It was a little intimidating. Everyone was waiting for their appointment, so the room was dead silent. It was so quiet you could whisper in you lowest voice and people would still hear you perfectly fine. As I was called to approach the window I had expressed that I needed a name change on my social security card. The lady who was servicing me asked if I was changing my name to my husband's name. All I did was slide the court order under the fiberglass and said I received this from the court. I was about to explain I was transgender, but before I could utter a syllible she stopped me after understanding my situation. Relief showered all over me at that point. In that circumstance I did not want to out myself to a whole room of people. The lady behind the counter informed me that the card will take one to two weeks to be mailed to me.

Friday was a day of triumph. It was a day of great joy and celebration. This was a step forward in my transition as well as my life. I have heard that name change is the most difficult part of transition. Well so far in my transition it was the hardest part for me. I will discuss with all my accounts of my name change. There is so much to be thankful of and I am truly thankful.

-Nikki ^_^

Wednesday, July 1, 2009

In Academy

For a week and a half I have begun grooming academy. It has been excellent thus far. In my best efforts I am doing all that I can to learn as much as I can. My teacher notices and feels the passion that I possess. She likes my enthusiasm and that allows any teacher to give their best efforts to their students. I also have been living in a hotel. The room is paid for by Petsmart. It sure is nice to sleep in a real bed again. I don't have to share a bathroom, which is nice. After all, a girl can use her privacy ;).

Everything is going alright for me. I am in school, my transition is going well and I am so close to completely changing my name. Thank you everyone for your support.

With much love,


Thursday, June 18, 2009

My Signed Petition

OMG, today I totally called up the judge’s office in hopes of receiving information about my petition for a name change. I had been waiting for it for quite a while. After calling them I was informed that I should have received my signed petition already. They instructed me to go to the county clerks office to receive a copy of the signed petition. Absolutely no time was wasted on my part and I sprung into action to get that petition. Now that it is in my possession, I want to have it published in the newspaper asap. With some research on the internet I found a Journal News office in White Plain. it’s the newspaper that the court had ordered me to publish my name change in. Before leaving for school I would like to have this done. My social security will be changed afterward along with everything else. There is such a sense of urgency that I have right now to get these things done before I head off to grooming academy. Name and gender change is the biggest pain in the ass in regards to transition because they are core identity documents. This makes this process that much more important because the name and gender marker on them do not represent who I am anymore. I feel that my current legal identity that represents me is a misrepresentation. However, as I said before I am looking to have all of this changed.


Saturday, June 6, 2009

On to Grooming Academy


Today I have received some excellent news. My store manager has alerted me to a June grooming academy that I will be sent to. The school starts the twenty-second of this month. I will be staying in a hotel, paid for by the company of course. I am very excited. This is exactly what I wanted. Staying in a hotel will be so cool. The room will most likely be bigger than the room I am currently living in now. My store manager has done an excellent job in pulling through for me. Now I will get to live up to and exceed everyone’s expectations. As a groomer I plan for greatness ahead. My focus will be at an all time high so that way I may perform on a level that I consider satisfactory. So that is about it for now. I am totally hyped up for this opportunity. This is something I will make the most of. After this, no matter what, I will always strive obtain what will make me happy.


Thursday, June 4, 2009

Building Blocks

In all the years of my life thus far I have never been able to process, plan and look forward to the future. You can be unsure about so many things in life. However, to be unsure of yourself can leave someone handicapped when it comes to dealing with life. That is the way I felt before becoming self-aware. Now well into transition I can begin to assess what I can finally begin to do with my life.

As of now I am awaiting for my store manager to give me the news that as to when I will be attending grooming school. Becoming a groomer will be the first career that I have ever had. Before this point I could have never decided as to what I wanted to do. So much is changing in a short period of time. My name is in the process of being changed and I even have health issuance coverage for the first time in five years. I can only imagine what I will do once I receive grooming pay. With a high wage I can begin to explore different avenues such as savings, 401k plans, traveling, places to live and an improved social life. I am one motivated woman at this point in my life to achieving certain set goals that I have. As far as work is concerned, I am constantly working to improve upon my work performance. Its like as if I am not satisfied unless I challenge myself and exceed expectations.

The ideas that I have towards what I will do once I become a groomer are quite excited. However, I always plan and outline loosely as to what my goals will be. As I meet each task I dedicate myself to completing it 100 percent until I meet the next. Its only understandable that when push comes to shove that I would have to adapt to whatever little surprises may come my way. No matter what, as long as I steer back on the road to my original goal my thirst for success will be satisfied.

While I have all of these plans for when I become a groomer, my main objective is to become one of the top groomers there. I want my work to rated at the highest quality. All we can ask from ourselves is to do our best. However, my ultimate objective is to be the best. Until I am sent to school I will be observing the other groomers. I will be evaluating there speed and collective skills. My objective is to obtain everyone’s best qualities and make note of them. These qualities will be factored into my work performance. This will not just mean that I will simply copy everyone’s unique skills, but my goal will be to examine what makes them so good at what they do. When this is successfully done I will do all that I can to then improve upon them. Like I said, I want to become the absolute best at what I do. It can only improve my career, work performance and cash flow.

With all that is on my mind I still have my present goal marked out crystal clear. I must get to school and begin to learn the basics. There is no need in getting ahead of myself. However I will always keep in mind what I want the end result to be.