Growing up I never embraced labels or social identities. Now I know what some of you are thinking, "Nikki, hunny, of course you never embraced labels and identities growing up. Your trans!" However, not only do I not embrace labels and the like, I don't even recognize how they could've related to me. Once I hit junior year of high school, I dressed as I felt like. I was wearing arm warmers and fishnets all the way to my upper arms. There wasn't a day I didn't like to go without nail polish or lipstick. Never once did I stop to self examine myself. I traveled where my spirit wanted to. That was probably because it never found it's place of belonging and/or fulfillment.
My subconscious has lead me to trans issues in some very funny ways. I actually liked lesbian material before I started to realize what transgender was or even researched it. I would see lesbian and trans characters on television or film and would totally relate to them. I loved Shane's character on The L Word. She was just an androgynous bad ass and I loved her for it. Doors really started to blow open for me when I watched the Japanese anime Kashimashi. Not only did the show deal with gender, but it also dealt with lesbianism in addition. The main character, Hazumu, was a boy that became a girl and the show revolving around the love triangle that she is involved in. During the and after the show I was like "I am totally that girl!" (Only I could never be as fickle as her :p. If you don't know what I am talking about, check out the show ^_^.)
Then I would hit up youtube. I remember the two first vlogs I would check out. It was Erin's (Grishno) and Aire's. Their vlogs were chalk full of information and personal experiences. As I tune into even more vlogs I would being to relate all of this information to myself. This is where I have done a lot of soul searching and fully realize who I am.
"Wow", as I thought to myself. "This is what was up with me." All this time and I finally piece together the pieces of my puzzle. Transgender maybe looked down upon by society, but it suits me just fine. I am trans and am glad that I have that to embrace.
-Nikki
Erin's (Grishno) Channel
Aire's Channel
Sunday, September 28, 2008
Monday, September 22, 2008
Nature Vs Nurture
On youtube I have seen a few vlogs that discusses the subject nature vs nurture and how it relates to the trans community. I am so happy and proud to see that Sarah and Taryn reject this theory and I must say, I do as well.
Nature vs Nurture makes trans people out to be an environmental error and usually we are graded based upon society's empty values. Where is the pride in that? How can we bring validity in ourselves when our existents is tagged as a miss happening. I'm sure that trans people in the past had used this to displace the blame off of themselves and onto a disease. I respect and understand that as well to great extent. However, I am filled with so much pride and joy to be coming along at a time where trans people choose a position of strength rather then a rely on a mental disease to aid their existence on this world.
The world is cruel and unfair. Today I feel that trans people are growing stronger in heart and spirit. Dismissing nature vs nurture means that we take responsibility for who we are. Its means that we have to stand tall and possibly becoming more open to society's criticisms. However, I am sure that there is a self fulfillment that makes it all worth it.
Anyway, here is links to Sarah and and Taryn's youtube vids. They are just awesome and they helped in me deciding on writing this entry. ^_^
Taryn's vid
Sarah's three part vids
-Nicky ^_^
Nature vs Nurture makes trans people out to be an environmental error and usually we are graded based upon society's empty values. Where is the pride in that? How can we bring validity in ourselves when our existents is tagged as a miss happening. I'm sure that trans people in the past had used this to displace the blame off of themselves and onto a disease. I respect and understand that as well to great extent. However, I am filled with so much pride and joy to be coming along at a time where trans people choose a position of strength rather then a rely on a mental disease to aid their existence on this world.
The world is cruel and unfair. Today I feel that trans people are growing stronger in heart and spirit. Dismissing nature vs nurture means that we take responsibility for who we are. Its means that we have to stand tall and possibly becoming more open to society's criticisms. However, I am sure that there is a self fulfillment that makes it all worth it.
Anyway, here is links to Sarah and and Taryn's youtube vids. They are just awesome and they helped in me deciding on writing this entry. ^_^
Taryn's vid
Sarah's three part vids
-Nicky ^_^
Sunday, September 21, 2008
I need respect, not understanding.....as much
There are thousands of different kinds of people in this world. Thousands of temperaments, personalities and cultural backgrounds. I think its fair to say that we all have our different points of view in life. While this may open opportunities to grow and learn from one another, it can be difficult to fully understand people that are different from us. A lot of times people do not except one another due to a lack of understanding of each other.
Do we really need to understand to except? I remember coming out to my friend explaining I was trans and he excepted me not because he understood me, but because he respected me. Oh yeah, respect. Something that people really lack for one another. That's what kills me about people are not very knowledgeable or ignorant. It doesn't come as a shock that ignorant people lack the mental capacity to understand others. When you add up that these people don't respect those they don't understand they often times will choose not to see you as human.
This what bugs me about these kinds of people. They believe that without there perfect understanding of you that you don't have the right to be seen as a person with dignity and pride. I don't know about other people, but I cannot allow these people to belittle me. Ignorant people can't fathom the limitations of the bi-gender world that we live in. They can't even understand how secluded they are in their in-closed world. I will NOT allow such people to verify my existence due to their lack of understanding. This is especially true when they have a complete lack of respect for me. I hope that people keep this in mind when they are judged or belittled because most of the time the one handing out garbage feels just as judged and belittled inside.
-Nicky
Do we really need to understand to except? I remember coming out to my friend explaining I was trans and he excepted me not because he understood me, but because he respected me. Oh yeah, respect. Something that people really lack for one another. That's what kills me about people are not very knowledgeable or ignorant. It doesn't come as a shock that ignorant people lack the mental capacity to understand others. When you add up that these people don't respect those they don't understand they often times will choose not to see you as human.
This what bugs me about these kinds of people. They believe that without there perfect understanding of you that you don't have the right to be seen as a person with dignity and pride. I don't know about other people, but I cannot allow these people to belittle me. Ignorant people can't fathom the limitations of the bi-gender world that we live in. They can't even understand how secluded they are in their in-closed world. I will NOT allow such people to verify my existence due to their lack of understanding. This is especially true when they have a complete lack of respect for me. I hope that people keep this in mind when they are judged or belittled because most of the time the one handing out garbage feels just as judged and belittled inside.
-Nicky
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