Thursday, March 12, 2009

A Clean slate for a new begining

Everyone in some form or another comes from a dysfunctional family. However, it is important that everyone keeps their priorities straight and not allow relationships to fizzle out and fade away.

I have a little sister. Throughout adolescence going into early adult hood, we had suffer from not being a close family. There was a huge separation between my mother, sister and I. It was not until my sister had a baby that we would start to come together. At the time of us coming together, the holidays were upon us. This was great because it had made a great catalyst for us to come together. While everything seemed to have gone smoothly my mother and sister had a falling out. This was right after Christmas. My mother was the one to set it off. The thing is about mom, she can be really head strong and quite stubborn. She hardly knows how to lay off. My sister had enough of my mother. What completely sucked was that my mom was the one to bring us together. She wanted to she the baby and be "grandma". I figured that I could that get closer to my sister and my nephew (he is adorable). I live with my mom, so when the fall out happened, I felt the bridge between my sister and I had collapsed.

Over the months I may have seen my sister in a store and I would walk completely past her. I was so afraid to speak to her. My sister and I have had a rocky relationship in the past and believe it or not I only speak with a few members of my family. Today I see my sister walk in up to the customer service desk with her boyfriend and child at work. Once again, I had not acknowledged her existence. I was due for a break, so I went. The entire time I felt like a coward and an awful older sibling. "I should talk to her and see what happens" is what I'm thinking to myself. When my break was over I saw my sister. She saw me and in return rolled her eyes. I don't blame her. I have ignored her and she probably thought I had taken mom's side in their argument. No matter what, I thought to myself, I have to speak to my sister. I went up to her and offered my most sincere and deepest apologies. I explained that I had not spoken or had even said hi to her out of fear of rejection. Once I got her attention, she was more than willing to hear what I had to say. Let me tell all of you out there, I nearly cried. To much time had past by with us not speaking and all for stupid reasons. I was kissing and holding my beautiful nephew. He is so cute and sweet and I want my sister and him in my life. I told my sister that.

She is going to Florida for a week for vacation. However, I have her number. When she comes back she will hear from me. I am writing this because we can not hold stupid and illogical grudges against one another. We miss out on to much and have too far little experiences. I do not want to live with regrets. If I can be open minded to change my gender, I can most certainly dust off old relationships and build a better future.


1 comment:

alan said...

It sounds like your sister is open to a relationship with you as well! I know that despite the breaks that have happened in our wider family, my sister and I have grown closer through the years, especially since e-mail came into being as she lives an hour away.

I'm happy for both of you, happy you found a bridge still standing there after all!

Thank you for you kind words below, Nikki, they mean a lot!