Yesterday I was about to go out for the evening for my trannie outing in the city. Before I had left my mother had caught a glimpse of my outfit. I was wearing my hair in a French pony tail, capris and fishnet thigh highs underneath. She asked, "Why are you wearing that?" I just responded by saying"just because." She followed me to the mud room. I told her I would see her later. There was a pause, eventually I asked her, "What?" after she was standing there staring at me (that's friggin rude). She says, "did you remember to get the mail?" I admitted to her that I had simply forgot. My mother then pulled a mommy dearest on me and went off needlessly. "Your getting to old for me to remind you to get the mail. You're a MAN! You're a MAN! You're a MAN!" I actually felt my heart crack and break in two and the only thing I could think of was, "what a vindictive bitch." I got the mail and got the hell out of there with shattered pieces of my heart.
The rest of the night I was so quite. I didn't say a thing in the support group I attended for the feminine spectrum for transfolk. Later that night, we all want out to dinner. I couldn't get a word out. There were times I have gotten choked up. I cannot believe I allowed my mother's words to effect me the way that they did. I believe that she had said those things earlier to pick at me. That is so retarded since I am the only child of hers' that stands by her.
The people around me were able to hone into my saddened status. I was able to talk and open up. I never spoke about what was bothering me, but I was feeling better non the less. For future reference I am going to have to confront my mother. She had hurt and effected me in a way I hadn't experienced in a long time. One way or another her voice echoing "YOU'RE A MAN" has got to stop. I can't take it.
Thank you for reading. ^_^