OMG, today I totally called up the judge’s office in hopes of receiving information about my petition for a name change. I had been waiting for it for quite a while. After calling them I was informed that I should have received my signed petition already. They instructed me to go to the county clerks office to receive a copy of the signed petition. Absolutely no time was wasted on my part and I sprung into action to get that petition. Now that it is in my possession, I want to have it published in the newspaper asap. With some research on the internet I found a Journal News office in White Plain. it’s the newspaper that the court had ordered me to publish my name change in. Before leaving for school I would like to have this done. My social security will be changed afterward along with everything else. There is such a sense of urgency that I have right now to get these things done before I head off to grooming academy. Name and gender change is the biggest pain in the ass in regards to transition because they are core identity documents. This makes this process that much more important because the name and gender marker on them do not represent who I am anymore. I feel that my current legal identity that represents me is a misrepresentation. However, as I said before I am looking to have all of this changed.
-Nikki
Thursday, June 18, 2009
Saturday, June 6, 2009
On to Grooming Academy
6/4/09
Today I have received some excellent news. My store manager has alerted me to a June grooming academy that I will be sent to. The school starts the twenty-second of this month. I will be staying in a hotel, paid for by the company of course. I am very excited. This is exactly what I wanted. Staying in a hotel will be so cool. The room will most likely be bigger than the room I am currently living in now. My store manager has done an excellent job in pulling through for me. Now I will get to live up to and exceed everyone’s expectations. As a groomer I plan for greatness ahead. My focus will be at an all time high so that way I may perform on a level that I consider satisfactory. So that is about it for now. I am totally hyped up for this opportunity. This is something I will make the most of. After this, no matter what, I will always strive obtain what will make me happy.
-Nikki
Today I have received some excellent news. My store manager has alerted me to a June grooming academy that I will be sent to. The school starts the twenty-second of this month. I will be staying in a hotel, paid for by the company of course. I am very excited. This is exactly what I wanted. Staying in a hotel will be so cool. The room will most likely be bigger than the room I am currently living in now. My store manager has done an excellent job in pulling through for me. Now I will get to live up to and exceed everyone’s expectations. As a groomer I plan for greatness ahead. My focus will be at an all time high so that way I may perform on a level that I consider satisfactory. So that is about it for now. I am totally hyped up for this opportunity. This is something I will make the most of. After this, no matter what, I will always strive obtain what will make me happy.
-Nikki
Thursday, June 4, 2009
Building Blocks
In all the years of my life thus far I have never been able to process, plan and look forward to the future. You can be unsure about so many things in life. However, to be unsure of yourself can leave someone handicapped when it comes to dealing with life. That is the way I felt before becoming self-aware. Now well into transition I can begin to assess what I can finally begin to do with my life.
As of now I am awaiting for my store manager to give me the news that as to when I will be attending grooming school. Becoming a groomer will be the first career that I have ever had. Before this point I could have never decided as to what I wanted to do. So much is changing in a short period of time. My name is in the process of being changed and I even have health issuance coverage for the first time in five years. I can only imagine what I will do once I receive grooming pay. With a high wage I can begin to explore different avenues such as savings, 401k plans, traveling, places to live and an improved social life. I am one motivated woman at this point in my life to achieving certain set goals that I have. As far as work is concerned, I am constantly working to improve upon my work performance. Its like as if I am not satisfied unless I challenge myself and exceed expectations.
The ideas that I have towards what I will do once I become a groomer are quite excited. However, I always plan and outline loosely as to what my goals will be. As I meet each task I dedicate myself to completing it 100 percent until I meet the next. Its only understandable that when push comes to shove that I would have to adapt to whatever little surprises may come my way. No matter what, as long as I steer back on the road to my original goal my thirst for success will be satisfied.
While I have all of these plans for when I become a groomer, my main objective is to become one of the top groomers there. I want my work to rated at the highest quality. All we can ask from ourselves is to do our best. However, my ultimate objective is to be the best. Until I am sent to school I will be observing the other groomers. I will be evaluating there speed and collective skills. My objective is to obtain everyone’s best qualities and make note of them. These qualities will be factored into my work performance. This will not just mean that I will simply copy everyone’s unique skills, but my goal will be to examine what makes them so good at what they do. When this is successfully done I will do all that I can to then improve upon them. Like I said, I want to become the absolute best at what I do. It can only improve my career, work performance and cash flow.
With all that is on my mind I still have my present goal marked out crystal clear. I must get to school and begin to learn the basics. There is no need in getting ahead of myself. However I will always keep in mind what I want the end result to be.
-Nikki
As of now I am awaiting for my store manager to give me the news that as to when I will be attending grooming school. Becoming a groomer will be the first career that I have ever had. Before this point I could have never decided as to what I wanted to do. So much is changing in a short period of time. My name is in the process of being changed and I even have health issuance coverage for the first time in five years. I can only imagine what I will do once I receive grooming pay. With a high wage I can begin to explore different avenues such as savings, 401k plans, traveling, places to live and an improved social life. I am one motivated woman at this point in my life to achieving certain set goals that I have. As far as work is concerned, I am constantly working to improve upon my work performance. Its like as if I am not satisfied unless I challenge myself and exceed expectations.
The ideas that I have towards what I will do once I become a groomer are quite excited. However, I always plan and outline loosely as to what my goals will be. As I meet each task I dedicate myself to completing it 100 percent until I meet the next. Its only understandable that when push comes to shove that I would have to adapt to whatever little surprises may come my way. No matter what, as long as I steer back on the road to my original goal my thirst for success will be satisfied.
While I have all of these plans for when I become a groomer, my main objective is to become one of the top groomers there. I want my work to rated at the highest quality. All we can ask from ourselves is to do our best. However, my ultimate objective is to be the best. Until I am sent to school I will be observing the other groomers. I will be evaluating there speed and collective skills. My objective is to obtain everyone’s best qualities and make note of them. These qualities will be factored into my work performance. This will not just mean that I will simply copy everyone’s unique skills, but my goal will be to examine what makes them so good at what they do. When this is successfully done I will do all that I can to then improve upon them. Like I said, I want to become the absolute best at what I do. It can only improve my career, work performance and cash flow.
With all that is on my mind I still have my present goal marked out crystal clear. I must get to school and begin to learn the basics. There is no need in getting ahead of myself. However I will always keep in mind what I want the end result to be.
-Nikki
Thursday, May 14, 2009
Doing ok
Hi everyone. I gotta say things have been rough, but I am getting through it ok. I have a cheap room to live in. The family that lives there is great. They have no problem with me being trans and they help me out alot. I should be sent out to grooming school by the end of this month. I can't wait to go to grooming school. My performance on the job is excellent and I am striving to be the best there. Just this past week I picked myself up an extra credit card to help me out. I'll see how things go transitioning from this month to the next. If everything runs smooth, I may get myself a laptop with the credit card. Lol this blog is actually being written from a public library. Just to let everyone know, I will post a blog about what specifically happened as far as getting kicked out and finding a place. I hope all is well with everyone here. Take care everyone. Much love.
-Nikki
-Nikki
Wednesday, April 29, 2009
Moving Out
Hey everyone. It would seem that life has different set of plans then I do. Actually, its my mother that has a different plan in mind. She is throwing me out of the house. This is the situation, my mother went into my room and saw that it was a mess. That and she saw the hormones on my desk and receipts of me going to NYC. She was not happy. I have 24 hours to leave. I just have to say I am worried, but I am calm for some stupid reason. In my estimation, the only reason why I think I am not losing my mind because I was already planning to move out... in the Fall. I really feel sorry for my mother for being this stupid. None of her children are going to be in her life. Why bother with her. She disrespects my status as a trans woman, she dominates conversation which makes it very difficult for personal expression and my mother is very close minded. I cannot deal with her any more. I didn't even bother to fight with her. So right now I am looking for cheap rents to help me get by.
I just want to let all of you know that I won't be on a computer for awhile. I will need to get my own computer, however, I don't know how soon I will be able to do this. I just hope that this calmness is not me being naive. I love everyone hear and as soon as I can I will post an update.
Love,
-Nikki
I just want to let all of you know that I won't be on a computer for awhile. I will need to get my own computer, however, I don't know how soon I will be able to do this. I just hope that this calmness is not me being naive. I love everyone hear and as soon as I can I will post an update.
Love,
-Nikki
Thursday, April 23, 2009
Kinda Scared
Right now I am moving from Walmart to Petsmart. I am looking to become a pet groomer. Its not something I want to do for the rest of my life, but it can be the first step for me to become independent and move out of my mother's house. The relationship is sour between my mother and I and I need to leave. There is much fear that I have. If I don't do well enough for Petsmart to make me a groomer, then I will be screwed.
I start working at my new job tomorrow. My game plan is to pick up as much as I can quickly. I want to have a very impressive performance in the first two weeks of working there. I want to be sent to grooming school as soon as possible and in order to achieve this I must be flawless in the eyes of my employers.
New beginnings can be very scary. However, I will not have fear to deter me from my goals. I have trans friends that are going through all kinds of ordeals right now. Some are getting divorces, others are losing jobs and some do not currently have a job. I have seen that some things are working out for them. I just hope that I can say the same for myself
-Nikki
I start working at my new job tomorrow. My game plan is to pick up as much as I can quickly. I want to have a very impressive performance in the first two weeks of working there. I want to be sent to grooming school as soon as possible and in order to achieve this I must be flawless in the eyes of my employers.
New beginnings can be very scary. However, I will not have fear to deter me from my goals. I have trans friends that are going through all kinds of ordeals right now. Some are getting divorces, others are losing jobs and some do not currently have a job. I have seen that some things are working out for them. I just hope that I can say the same for myself
-Nikki
Friday, April 10, 2009
New Job. Parent Ordeals
For a while I have been working at Walmart. The job came along at a great time. I needed to transition and in doing so I needed the money. Now another opportunity has come alone my way. Years ago I used to work at Petsmart. I was a bather of dogs there. They had an interest in hiring me again. Petsmart needs pet groomers and I felt that I could do well there. I filled out an application online so that I may have a chance in getting the job, of course. The company knows that I was transgender and they have no problem with it. I had already taken my drug test and I'm set to start working there the 24th of this month. Petsmart will have to train me as a bather for a couple of months. If I do well they will send me to school to be trained as a groomer. Its hard to find a job these days, so I'll take an opportunity if its available.
I worked at Macy's to have some pennies in my pocket during school. Walmart was a job that was necessary for me to begin my transition. Now I look to Petsmart to become a groomer to gain access to my independence. I want to move out of my parent's home. My mother hates that I go out with eye make up and dressed as who I am. I absolutely cannot stand how f#ching ignorant my mother is. My mother is a registered nurse for christ sake.
So... I finally heard from my father, who by the way lives in North Carolina. He called and I was on the phone with him for a half hour. It was the worst phone cal of my life. My father was disgusted. He said he that wants to put his foot in my ass. Trust me when I say that I had never heard someone use the "f" word some many times in one phone call before. The man was livid and on top of that he's religious. There is nothing quite like the ingredient of religion to fuel your hate. My dad said that god will hate me and that I will die young, followed by burning in hell. He told me that I am not a woman. "I don't care if you cut your dick off, you are a man," this is all in the words of my father. I don't understand religious people in the least. I write, which is in my opinion, was an expressive, informative, eloquent letter. The man calls me with a heart full of hate and a mouth chalk full of four letter words. Somewhere in the "conversation" dad says that I have to "give my life to god". I honestly do not get this. If life is a gift from god, why in the world would he want it back. That's like me buying someone a Christmas present and then taking the darn thing back.
My father wants me to "straighten up" (what does he think I'm doing, I'm transitioning duh). He will not except me as a woman, his child or what I am going through. So needless to say that I need to make decent money in order to move out and live on my own. Once I move out I can not come back home and there is no running to my father for help. I figure that he will disown me and that I won't want anything to do with my mother. Both of my parent feel that I am a waste of an investment and they should have had better. Becoming a groomer is not a perminant career choice, but it is one that can help me become more independant. Dispite what my father said I feel in many ways blessed. However the coming months will be hard. My father had called my mother (they never talk) and as I came home my mom told me that cannot wear my make up in her house. "You cannot live you life in my house, you need to move out and live it out there". I sure am glad that there are people like her in nursing (blah). Anyways, I'll keep the faith and hopefully with a smile.
-Nikki
I worked at Macy's to have some pennies in my pocket during school. Walmart was a job that was necessary for me to begin my transition. Now I look to Petsmart to become a groomer to gain access to my independence. I want to move out of my parent's home. My mother hates that I go out with eye make up and dressed as who I am. I absolutely cannot stand how f#ching ignorant my mother is. My mother is a registered nurse for christ sake.
So... I finally heard from my father, who by the way lives in North Carolina. He called and I was on the phone with him for a half hour. It was the worst phone cal of my life. My father was disgusted. He said he that wants to put his foot in my ass. Trust me when I say that I had never heard someone use the "f" word some many times in one phone call before. The man was livid and on top of that he's religious. There is nothing quite like the ingredient of religion to fuel your hate. My dad said that god will hate me and that I will die young, followed by burning in hell. He told me that I am not a woman. "I don't care if you cut your dick off, you are a man," this is all in the words of my father. I don't understand religious people in the least. I write, which is in my opinion, was an expressive, informative, eloquent letter. The man calls me with a heart full of hate and a mouth chalk full of four letter words. Somewhere in the "conversation" dad says that I have to "give my life to god". I honestly do not get this. If life is a gift from god, why in the world would he want it back. That's like me buying someone a Christmas present and then taking the darn thing back.
My father wants me to "straighten up" (what does he think I'm doing, I'm transitioning duh). He will not except me as a woman, his child or what I am going through. So needless to say that I need to make decent money in order to move out and live on my own. Once I move out I can not come back home and there is no running to my father for help. I figure that he will disown me and that I won't want anything to do with my mother. Both of my parent feel that I am a waste of an investment and they should have had better. Becoming a groomer is not a perminant career choice, but it is one that can help me become more independant. Dispite what my father said I feel in many ways blessed. However the coming months will be hard. My father had called my mother (they never talk) and as I came home my mom told me that cannot wear my make up in her house. "You cannot live you life in my house, you need to move out and live it out there". I sure am glad that there are people like her in nursing (blah). Anyways, I'll keep the faith and hopefully with a smile.
-Nikki
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